this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
