so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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