i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
