It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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