if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
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