Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
soo... how was my night?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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