Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
