i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
