I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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