He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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