im holly from the hills drunk
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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