Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
