dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
