This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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