so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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