We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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