So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
