I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
