He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
