If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
