her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
honey bunches of taint.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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