CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
