her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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