I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
