I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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