honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize
