Kiss
Puke
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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