shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
did you just send me my own nude
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
