I bet he comes in French.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I pour the whiskey from now on
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
