thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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