All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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