Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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