he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
