oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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