and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
