I think im going to throw up on grandma
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
