Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
