She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
