Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
