I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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