Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
