Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
