You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
