Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
