96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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