I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
as a side note pls kill me
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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