'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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