a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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