Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
