Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
