I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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