on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
