Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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